10 years of loyalty and devotion to a company in this day and age is quite remarkable with the job-hopping work culture. Allegiance wears thin when corporations squeeze the life out of field management to gain company financial goals without affirming employee’s needs for balance. Greater workloads, longer hours, microscopic pay raise with less support and reward, dries the soul.
In light of these changes along with being micromanaged to a point of despair I decided I want to QUIT. Daily, I through up my hands wondering, what the heck do think we are? Are we robots with no life or breath? Weeks pass by with the growing miserable knowledge that I no longer have a heart for this company or work. HOW do I tell my boss? What will I do without the paycheck and other stable benefits? Half of me still love the people with 10 years of historical relationship built up. The other half wants to run into the sunset without looking back.
The struggle to simply say I QUIT or weasel out rolls round and round my mind. I feel pulled in two pieces. One of me needs to win. This feels like out of control addiction. Surely there is life outside this company and I won't fall apart, starve or die if I do leave. There are other ways to live then getting WORK text messages until 9pm at night and every weekend morning beginning with the rise of the sun as to "How are your numbers going? You need 15 more orders!"
I lay out the choices on paper. Carefully listed are all skills, talents and strengths and what I really want to do. I match them against weaknesses dislikes and losses caused by my current workload. My inner voice tells me to leave and find a fresh new beginning. I can be free! My gut turns into a knot telling me the doubts and fears of leaving well enough alone, just stay you lousy quitter. The pain and misery you know is better than the unknown.
Is it possible to be "addicted" to work? It certainly feels like it. This company has become a chain around my neck with all the hooked "benefits" and not one reason to actually love what I do. Anymore that is! Who knows, I just may snap and quit in a fleeting moment. Meanwhile one side has to win and I have an inkling, which one will. Will it be my creative, spontaneous side or the grinding, overly responsible one? Only time will tell.
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