Typical pattern of conversations with some recovering addicts.
Ever find yourself in a circle pattern with an addict? Especially ones that quit their substances, but NEVER work the 12 Steps or their recovery with qualified professionals or AA mentors.
- They ask you to join them, help or do something for them.
- You kindly listen, think about it and tell them you need some time to think it through.
- Their urgency is certainly more important then anything you have to do. When they don’t hear back or your disinterested the tide turns. Icy silence, builds in the mindset creating frustration against you.
- Should you not come through with their “said” plan, idea or assistance, they turn it back on you that you didn’t listen right, they become verbally abusive even though they don’t think they are.
- When you try to explain your position, they become defensive, masking untold years of anger dumping it back on you the innocent victim. After all they are the always right. They arrogantly proclaim that they can do it themselves. They don’t need anyone else, and certainly others will come running when they call.
- You end up feeling terrible, when it wasn’t your problem to begin with. Guilt is the screw they turn when they don’t get their way. You are left with lousy feeling while they go on dishing it out again and again.
- Makes sense? Not!
When the addict is manipulating for money for his drug/alcohol or whatever habits, at least you know that’s all about. It’s easy to say no. When they continue this pattern after the substance is gone, this behavior is intolerable. You’ve experienced all their lies, deceit and manipulation before. Only this time they are supposedly straight and sober. They prey upon your goodness and mercy. Their pattern is to make everyone else pay for their sin. The blame always is pointed at others when the rest of the fingers point clearly back at them.
Sober doesn’t mean a thing until the 12 Steps are worked.
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