My name is Jeff (changed to protect privacy). I'm a close friend of an "addict" (name removed to protect privacy. It's funny, but I haven't spent a lot of time with him over the years--just when we are CA together for shoots--but his huge heart and soul just sucks you in and you feel as though you've known the man your whole life. So I feel close to "him" for that reason, and also, because I too am in recovery.
I remember the last time I saw "him". It was 4 am in his hotel room nearly 5 years ago. We were both successful in our careers at the time and he remarked how incredible a feat that was. "Look how far we've gone," he remarked, "but neither one of us has ever been 100%. Imagine what we could do if we were 100%?" It was a very insightful moment. One that stuck with me. I got sober soon after.
I've been thinking about "him" a lot over the past couple years. Always asked about him when I saw others that knew and loved him. (And there were many.) But it was as if he fell off the face of the planet. Deep down, I knew he had crawled further into his addictions but I had no way of contacting him. So I googled him a few weeks ago and saw the news stories. It saddened me that addiction can take control of someone even like "him", a man with such heart and soul, and cause him to do things he would never do in a sane state of mind.
Addiction leads to insanity. Then death. And I feared that was where "his" fate led him until I found your blog today. I was so happy to discover that he was alive, and most importantly, in recovery. I would like to help and support him in any way I can. Tell him there is hope. What happened to him was bad, yes. He was humiliated. But that's the lesson of humility. If you don't find humility on your own, the universe will find a way to humiliate you. And then you can begin to recover.
So, please send this message to "him". Let him know I think no less of him for what happened. In fact, I think so much more of him now that he's finally surrendered and is taken that first step towards getting better.
Sunday, September 6, 2009
letter from one who knows | part I
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2 comments:
Hello Jeff. Good to hear from you! My apologies for a late reply. I've been dealing with the faces of addiction in my own relationships these days. It's all written in my blog no need to explain that to you now. Your letter touched me with the stark reality that caring relationships with people we know are often the only way out of the maze of substance and addictive abuses. His startling remark to you jolted you out of it yet he certainly still fights the demons of his own to be free.
So tell me, how did it feel in that insightful moment? What did it take for you clean yourself from the need of whatever it was that you were addicted to? I ask because there has to be some key to share with others who are in the prison and can't find their way out. As for your friend, looking back I guess I never really knew him without addiction. Our friendship was in high school and lasted about 2 years before we went separate ways. Back in those days no one spoke openly about such things nor did we realize the impact of the recreational use of pot at the time. My father was alcoholic and both my brothers replaced the drink with substances of their own choice. I survived by choosing not to be an addict to those things. However seem to find and collect addicts as bosses, friends and even married into it twice. I am not without my own addictive nature just not substance except maybe chocolate! Sometime if you care to correspond we can share more. UP to you!
I see you found the way out and I applaud you. Your words are powerful and surely you journey has not been easy or lovely. I truly want to know more if you care to share. The only way to truly be free is to help others out of the mess you freed yourself from - you most likely know this. The entire reason for my blog is to openly talk between addicts and addiction journeys along with words from those who love addicts. There are two sides for sure. So tell me please if you get a chance: How did you make it? If you write may I share it in blog? It can be anonymous as I write myself pretty much under cover...
I keep in touch with your friend’s sister and recently spent some time with his mom and her. They are beyond themselves in knowing what to do while he recovers. My prayer is always for him to win over it but addiction is the Goliath of our day and many are slain by the sword of it.
You are right about him having a big heart - I still remember his wide smile and crystal blue eyes full of life and music. If I knew what I do know I may have seen the pain behind those blues and discovered the addiction began back then due to unresolved family issues. Each man/woman has a path and journey of their own to take and I believe strongly that there is no mistake in the people we meet along the way. You so right describe that addiction is insanity: “Death always the end of an addict, unless by choice they leave their drug/substance/activity to walk a straight and narrow path.” Perhaps it’s with friends such as yourself who connect with words in your letter that sparks a light of hope into the soul of our friend with the big heart. You see even those short few years I knew, I never forgot the impact of what a good person he is. He'll always be friend to me - just don't want to lose him from this life before he becomes his 100%!
Hi! Your story is such an inspiration. My brother is going through similar thing and it is just so hard to watch him.
Take care!
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