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Monday, October 11, 2010

Admission | Confession | Resolution


ADMISSION
I am not an addict. I never pretended to be an addict nor do I profess to know what it’s like to be a drunk or drug addict.  I am not expert by any means on the topic of addiction. I only lived with addicts all my life.  For a very short season, I experimented with alcohol, drugs losing myself there, until it bit me like snake recoiled in wrath. My mother dragged me to a Christian Retreat for one week at age 17 and I was rescued from life long substance abuse by the new birth given by Jesus. By God’s intervention, I avoided what generational addiction dictated, with His grace and quit it all before it took root. Back in those days alcoholism and drug addiction wasn’t a public service notice, ad on TV or even spoken of. It wasn’t on the airwaves, only a whisper for help in the darkness by families suffering from the fall out. We simply didn’t talk about “that” to each other.

ADDICTION
Recently through a tangled conversation with a recovering alcoholic, it was pointed out that I had no business writing about addiction or the 12 steps. It began a normal congenial exchange then suddenly after reading I wasn’t an addict, it became ugly. Accusations flew as with a baseball bat from intensive emails. All tainted in self-righteous lamenting, that I was arrogant to think I can understand anything about addiction.

My site, my blog, my thoughts were clobbered by this person. My reaction at first was unbelief. I was taken by surprise. What land mine did I step on to deserve this? Trying humility, I asked how to make it better and what needed to change. I was open to learn and gain insight. My attempts to smooth and explain myself only fueled the fire of obvious misplaced anger. Anger begets anger, so words coming from my end tried to be calm, peaceful and reasonable. I admit to my feathers becoming quite ruffled, yet censored my own annoyance at the insensitivity of it all.

CONFESSION
My true response was deep hurt. Rejection and abuse from yet another addict who misunderstood me. It unseated so many of my own “secret” unresolved wounds from other addicts. I withdrew from “Addictshuns” to sort it all out. That conversation brought me to a humble end of what I thought I knew. After telling the hurt our conversation did to me, it was replied back with “I don’t care, nor would any other drunk care that they hurt me by defending the 12 Steps.”

Later that night, a succinct apology arrived by email, asking me to talk to real live AA members. I forgave, though the hurt remained. Holding grudges is not healthy. This pain signaled something deeper inside needed to come to light.

RESOLUTION
That interaction showed me something powerful. For one, conversations without basic rules of understanding are not healthy, yet one can always learn from heated ugly arguments. I need to revisit my own reasons for writing about addiction, as well as heal my wounds perhaps through a personal sponsor of Al Anon, or my pastor.

Two things rang true to change my course with this blog:

·      Codependents who love addicts will never fix them. I am then a codependent who needs to stick to that topic.
o   I realize the underlying intention in this blog was to fix addicts, and myself from the evil addiction cycle I hate so much. Addiction hurt and harmed my family and many friends and people in my world and somehow writing about it helped me understand and study.
o   Only programs within AA, or certified practitioners in the field of addiction can accurately address and help other addicts. I must stick to what I know about co-dependency period.
·      The 12 Steps are only to be learned, worked and followed within context of the AA program and with a sponsor.
o   This is true. I tried to see if they could be worked without the benefit of a group and take them for what is written. I reasoned that the 12 steps were true, no matter who found them could read them for what there were and walk away with a solid path to wellness and recovery. That is a big mistake on my part.
o   The success of AA is through the entire program based on their 12 steps, sponsorship and groups. The Steps belong to AA and from that conversation are proprietary. Therefore I will add a disclaimer to anything mentioning AA, 12 Steps, etc. that my words are my own opinion and encourage anyone seeking help to find an official AA group through the main website.

WHY I WRITE ABOUT ADDICTION:
I reiterate, I am not an addict nor am I an expert in the topic. I write addictshuns | addictions from my own perspective and experiences, a person on the other side of addiction. You know in AA terminology “co-dependent.”  All articles, resources and posts are written as my own opinion and reflection about the topic of addiction. It not intended to lead anyone astray, harm them or cause life and death situations with my own lack of knowledge, or their need to find truth or help.

Al-Anons Twelve Steps & Twelve Traditions   Paths to Recovery: Al-Anon's Steps, Traditions and Concepts    


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Sunday, October 3, 2010

Summary Posts: Step One











STEP ONE REVIEW:


RECOMMENDED POSTS

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Friday, October 1, 2010

12 Steps: STEP TWO - Natural Sequence

STEP 2 - Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity




READY FOR STEP TWO?
If you truly worked through step One then its time to move to the next step. The 12 Steps aren't just leaving the first one and onto the next. I view it more as sequence or an orderly method of gaining stability and normalcy. I will always need to refer to the previous steps in order to understand the others. The naturally progression to step two is a belief in a Power greater then us for restoration. Without knowing your life is out of control and admitting life is unglued it’s impossible to come to this step.

Do you suppose the entire reason we find ourselves in denial about our unmanageable lives is due to the need to appear perfect? Let's talk about the word "Perfection." Our pride says to admit mistake or shortcomings is more painful than living a lie. Is it really? That burden of appearance chokes the very freedom to live life sober. Besides, perfect may not actually be what the world media says it is.

What exactly does perfect mean to you? Here is the dictionary definition:


perfect  -  adjective
having all the required or desirable elements, qualities, or characteristics; as good as it is possible to be : she strove to be the perfect wife | life certainly isn't perfect at the moment.
free from any flaw or defect in condition or quality; faultless: the equipment was in perfect condition.
precisely accurate; exact: a perfect circle.

highly suitable for someone or something; exactly right: Gary was perfect for her—ten years older and with his own career.



Notice that perfect means, "as good as it's possible to be" which means that YOU ARE REALLY OK! Perfect isn't never being wrong or making mistakes. As for "precisely accurate" isn't your life exactly what it is and how you were born into it good or bad? Certainly you can't change those things! I’d like to think of perfect as the polishing of a rough stone into a smooth one. It takes plenty of time and patience. Perhaps being free from flaw or defect, simply means it's no longer a secret and that it is ok to admit it, as in step one.

ACTING UPON STEP TWO 
For those finding or coming to Faith in *God to be restored, becomes a relief to know you don't have to be perfect in order to live your life. No matter what your upbringing or religious, non- religious beliefs this Step is important for sanity.

I believe taking the second step allows you to drop the heavy burden of mistakes, denial, perfection, or whatever load of pain you carry each day. Dropping your guilt, shame and anger gives you a chance to find a clean slate. As a Christian, I read in scripture that forgiveness, newness of life, absolution from mistakes, sins, and flaw is a solid promise written through out the New Testament. There is power in every aspect to let it all go to God, or who you perceive to be higher than you are. It's up to you to find your own beliefs.

So calm your soul, soothe your mind and slide into Step Two with trust, reward and relief.  To embrace this step
It's like being held, comforted and FORGIVEN, no matter what. Are you still fearful? Just try it... Bow your head and ask for help. When I think of belief in a Higher Power, the word kneel comes to mind. It's an attitude of humility, an absence of pride. Then tell about what you experience, if not me, then someone you trust!
[*Higher Power as you understand it]



I looked up books pertaining to the 12 Steps and various religions these were the ones found. Curiously there were no Islamic, Atheist or other mainstream major religions found with the terms 12 Step + _______ {religion name}. This doesn't mean there are not books, just not found on Amazon today. 
Here are some 12 Step results with religious or spiritual themes:






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